Husband and Wife

      The Secrets of a Happy Marriage

      My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
      Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
      some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.


      We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Sydney and mine is in
      Melbourne.

      I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

      I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
      "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.. So I suggested
      the kitchen.


      We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

      She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
      maker Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit
      down!". So I bought her an electric chair.


      Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

      Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

      I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

      I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
      her.

      The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".... I
      said, "Dust!"
    

      Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'.