I was on my way to the Post Office to pick up my case of free Nokia
3210
--
sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people,
because they want to market WAP technology -- when I ran into a
friend whose neighbor was home recovering from having been served a
rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
That, of course, was predictable because everybody with e-mail knows
there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why
the government made them change their name to KFC.
Anyway, this guy went to sleep one day and when he awoke he was in
his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when
he got out of the tub he realized that his kidneys had been stolen.
He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911," but he was afraid
to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there
was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he
opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax because he was a computer programmer
himself and was working on software to prevent a global disaster in
which all the computers get together and distribute the $250
Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates.
It's true. I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from Bill Gates
himself, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and
$5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.
Anyways, the poor man tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report
his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to
press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the
phone line at the guy's expense. Then, reaching into the
coin-return slot, he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle, The
needle was wrapped in a note that said, "Welcome to the world of
AIDS."
Luckily, he was only a few blocks from a hospital -- the one where
that little boy who is dying of cancer is, You know, the boy whose
last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the
American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every
e-mail he receives.
I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in
the shape of an angel. If you get it and forward it to more than 10
people, you will have good luck, but if you forward it to fewer than
10 people you will have bad luck for seven years.
So, anyway, the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but
on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To
be helpful, he flashed his lights at that car and he was promptly
shot because that is a gang initiation.
If you forward that information to all your friends, you will
receive four green M&Ms. If you don't, the owner of Proctor and
Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have
more bad luck -- you will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate
in your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using
the antiperspirant that clogs the pores under your arms, and the
government will put a tax on your e-mail forever.
I know all of this is true because I read it on the Internet.
No comments:
Post a Comment