Disorder in the Court

      These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things
      people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
      published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm
      while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are
      excellent, don't miss the last one.

      Q: Are you sexually active?
      A: No, I just lie there

      ----------------------------------------------
      Q: What is your date of birth?
      A: July 15th.
      Q: What year?
      A: Every year.

      ---------------------------------------------------
      Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
      A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

      -------------------------------------------------

      Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
      A: Yes.
      Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
      A: I forget.
      Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
      forgotten?

      _______  _______________________________

      Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
      A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
      Q: How long has he lived with you?
      A: Forty-five years.
      _______________________________________

      Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
      That morning?
      A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
      Q: And why did that upset you?
      A: My name is Susan.
      ________________________________________

      Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
      the occult?
      A: We both do.
      Q: Voodoo?
      A: We do.
      Q: You do?
      A: Yes, voodoo.
      _________________________________________

      Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
      doesn't know about it until the next morning?
      _________________________________________

      Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
      __________________________________________

      Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
      __________________________________________

      Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
      A: Yes.
      Q: And what were you doing at that time?
      ________________________________________

      Q: She had three children, right?
      A: Yes.
      Q: How many were boys?
      A: None.
      Q: Were there any girls?

      ______________________________________

      Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
      A: By death.
      Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
      ________________________________________

      Q: Can you describe the individual?
      A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
      Q: Was this a male, or a female?
      ____________________________________________

      Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
      notice which I sent to your attorney?
      A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
      __________________________________________

      Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
      A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
      ___________________________________________

      Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
      A: Oral.
      __________________________________________

      Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
      A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
      Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
      A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
      autopsy.
      __________________________________________

      Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
      __________________________________________

      Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
      pulse?
      A: No.
      Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
      A: No.
      Q: Did you check for breathing?
      A: No.
      Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
      the autopsy?
      A: No.
      Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
      A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
      Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
      A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
      law somewhere.