CATs

 

  The House Cat

 
The HipHop Cat

 
The Metal Cats

 
The Stevie Wonder Cat

 
The Stoner Rock Cat

 
The Techno Cat

 
The iCat
 

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President Bush

George W Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his
talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand,  and George
asks him what his name is.
"Billy."
"And what is your question, Billy?"
 "I have three questions:
 First - why is the USA invading Iraq without the support of theUN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?;
and Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. George W. Bush informs the kiddies that
they will continue after recess.
 When they resume George says, "Okay where were we? Oh that's right -
question time. Who has a question?"
 A different little boy puts his hand, George points him out and asks him
what his name is.
 "Steve."
 "And what is your question, Steve?"
 "I have five questions:
 First - why is the USA invading Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?;
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?;
 Fourth - why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?;
and Fifth - what happened to Billy?"

Men are happy people

Your last name stays put
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a
water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
just too icky
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood -- all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

Indians

An Indian walks into a Jo'burg bank and asks to see the loan officer.
He says he is going to India on holiday for two weeks and wants to
borrow
R10,000. The bank officer says the bank
will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man handed
over the keys of his new BMW M3 parked on the street in front of the
bank.
Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as
collateral
for the loan. An
employee drives the BMW into the bank's underground garage and parks
it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the R10,000
and the interest, which comes to R15.41. The loan
officer says,
"We are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and
found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us
is why would you bother to borrow R10,000?"
The Indian replied,
"Where else in Jo'burg can I park my car safely for two weeks and pay
only R15.41?

Indians will always be Indians......., Smart 

Husband and Wife

      The Secrets of a Happy Marriage

      My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
      Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
      some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.


      We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Sydney and mine is in
      Melbourne.

      I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

      I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
      "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.. So I suggested
      the kitchen.


      We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

      She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
      maker Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit
      down!". So I bought her an electric chair.


      Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

      Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

      I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

      I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
      her.

      The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".... I
      said, "Dust!"
    

      Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'.

GOOD ONE

A South African Local Pastor dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly
Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt,
leather jacket and jeans.
 
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I
may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven?"
 
The guy replies, "I'm Sipho Mlangeni, Taxi driver, from Soweto, South Africa,
boss."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver,
"Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
 
Now it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right
Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton
robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and  he
gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," explains Saint Peter. "While you
preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

Gatiep & Maraai

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Gatiep and his
wife, Meraai listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men:
"For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favourite flower?"

Gatiep leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,

"Self-Raising, ne?"